I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
