the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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