Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
