spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
