I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
