i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
