how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
