i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
