cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
