textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
