I showed him my bush... on skype.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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