You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
