his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
