Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
