I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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