Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
