Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
