my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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