I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
