miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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