I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
