yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
