My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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