I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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