all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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