sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
