a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
