and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
