I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
