If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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