she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
