After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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