Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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