My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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