Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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