I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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