just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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