so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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