I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
