He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
