she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
