the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
