I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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