dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
