Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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