my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A+ Viking dick
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Success! We fucked roommates!
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