Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
