Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
