I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
