If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
