Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
