Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
