Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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