Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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