So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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