I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
