Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
