So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
