Just cropdusted the office
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
