You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
