Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
