Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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