how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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