the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
