when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
