my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
