I wish I could teleport
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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